I recently heard a pastor say, “Everybody is looking for a place to connect. That might be in a small group at church or it might be with family.” I keep thinking about this since. In my observation, the pastor was correct. All of us desire to belong somewhere. And people always seem to find places to connect. Sometimes it is a healthy place and sometimes it is an unhealthy place. At the end of the day we will find a place to belong, whether by conscious choice or by passive drifting.
The people I worry about the most are the ones that withdraw from all connections. Sure, we all go through seasons of having more or less desire to connect with others. But I’m talking about those that withdraw as a habit. Humans don’t do well in isolation. A common movie trope is to punish the worst criminals with solitary confinement. There really might be a lot of truth there – the worst punishment we can give people is extended isolation. People suffer in isolation. Ecclesiastes 4:10 (NLT) says, “If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble.”
Conversely, solitude can be excellent. Solitude is different from isolation in that there is a purpose and a timetable attached. Withdrawing for a short season to rejuvenate and refresh is good and even commendable. Summers in Wyoming are awesome for that – many of us retreat to the mountains to get away from the routine, the cellphone, and the busyness of normal life. And yet, our habit is often to retreat with family or close friends.
These principles apply to introverts and extroverts alike. I lean a bit towards being an introvert. I love being around people but I require some solitude each day to refocus and recharge. Chances are good that you do too. But I also need time with good friends. I need people speaking into my life and they need me speaking into theirs. We need places to tell stories, to celebrate successes, and to process failures. We can do this to a small degree alone. We do this better with others.
Who do you connect with? And is this a willful, healthy choice or do you need to make some changes? Proverbs 18:24 (NLT) reminds us, “There are ‘friends’ who destroy each other, but a real friend sticks closer than a brother.” We all have had these “friends” that are not good for us. What we really need are good, honest, loyal, truth-speaking friends. Friendship is a two-way street. You have to be a friend to have a friend. Be a friend to someone. Jesus put it this way in John 15:17 (NLT), “This is my command: Love each other.”
As we get into the Fourth of July festivities and then Rodeo Week, keep this in mind. Look for those on the sidelines needing a place to connect and invite them in. Watch for opportunities to extend a hand of grace to anyone who needs it. And if you are the one needing it, don’t refuse. Get connected and become a connector.
This appeared in The Sheridan Press on June 21, 2024.
Cody Haar 